


To All the Boys I've Loved Before

by amazingsantiago



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amazingsantiago/pseuds/amazingsantiago
Summary: Five intense crushes. Five soul-baring love letters. She never planned to send them. Now they're out. Life, as she knows it, is over.





	To All the Boys I've Loved Before

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written an AU fic before but I loved the To All The Boys I've Loved Before movie so much that I just had to write a Jake and Amy version. I hope you enjoy! :)

Amy’s letters are her most secret possessions. There are five total:

 

One, Henry from Puzzle Camp.

 

Two, Jake from seventh grade.

 

Three, Adam from Homecoming.

 

Four, Teddy from Model UN.

 

And five, Luke.

 

Amy writes a letter when she has a crush so intense she doesn’t know what else to do. She neatly folds them into an envelope and addresses them, but she never sends them. They’re only for her to understand how she’s feeling. She keeps them in a blue hat box that she hides at the back of her closet, far away from anywhere her seven nosy, annoying brothers would look. Nobody else knows about them, not even her best friend Rosa. That’s why, when she’s in gym and she sees Jake - her ex-best friend’s boyfriend _Jake_ \- walking towards her with a very familiar envelope in hand, she straight up passes out.

 

Talk about humiliating.

 

“You OK, Santiago?” He asks, helping her up.

 

“Uh, y-yeah… I’m fine.”

 

She blushes wildly at the sight of that letter still in his hand, knowing that Jake, one of the most popular boys in school, has read her secret love letter that she wrote after a game of spin the bottle in the seventh grade. The letter in which she wrote all about how hot that kiss was (in retrospect, it was literally just a peck that lasted, like, half a second) and how funny he is and how she loves his dark, curly hair. She poured her seventh grade heart into that letter and she can’t believe he’s read it. He was never supposed to read it.

 

She has no idea how he’s got ahold of it, but that’s not her priority right now. Her priority is assuring him that letter was never supposed to get out and that she definitely does not feel that way anymore.

 

“That’s good. Because, you know, Sophia and I are kinda in a weird place right now…”

 

Amy goes dizzy again at the thought of Sophia knowing about that letter.

 

Sophia is her ex-best friend.

 

In middle school they were basically attached at the hip. They’d spend every night at each others’ houses, make each other friendship bracelets and wear matching outfits inspired by their favourite celebrities.

 

Sophia also had a huge crush on Jake.

 

After that fated game of spin the bottle, where Amy got to kiss Jake instead of her, the two girls had never been friends again. The worst thing is Sophia became super popular and Amy, who loved crosswords and romantic novels and binders, was decidedly not. Whenever they crossed paths in the school hallway, Sophia would intentionally bump into Amy and make a condescending comment about her outfit, which would make all of her girlfriends giggle in that annoying way that only popular girls know how.

 

“You haven’t told her, have you?” She worries, her pupils dilated. Her life would be _over_. Sophia would be more intolerable than ever. Amy would have to move schools, maybe even states.

 

“It’s our secret,” he promises and Amy lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding back. He chuckles softly. “So, you know nothing is ever going to happen between us? We’re good, right?”

 

“Absolutely. We’re good.”

 

When he smiles at her, the corners of his eyes wrinkle and _wow_ , he looks so cute she suddenly remembers why seventh grade Amy had such a major crush on him in the first place.

 

“Hey, Amy!”

 

She is pulled out of her Jake-induced trance as she sees Luke, her brother’s best friend, approaching them. And he has a letter in his hand too.  

 

“Oh my God.” She panics and does the first thing that comes to mind: lays a kiss right on Jake’s lips.

 

Her heart beating like crazy, she awkwardly thanks Jake for his service and sprints away to the girls’ bathroom.

 

She can’t believe she just did that. She basically _jumped_ him in the middle of the athletics track and then ran away without any explanation. She slams the cubicle door behind her and crouches on the floor, her head between her knees. Her letters are out. Her most private of possessions that were only ever meant for her eyes have been seen by the last people in the world she’d want to see them. She can’t believe it.

 

Tears sting at her eyes as she tries to steady her breathing. She tries to tell herself that they’re only love letters, that she hasn’t done anything wrong, that the recipients should feel honoured. The other half of her brain screams back that it’s creepy and weird and the whole school is going to find out.

 

Her heartbeat quickens as the bathroom door opens and a pair of sneakers stop outside of her cubicle. A hand slides the third envelope beneath the door.

 

“ _Adam_?”

 

“Hey,” he says quietly as she steps out of the cubicle, her face red and blotchy. “So… I got your letter.”

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m completely embarrassed. You were never supposed to read that.”

 

“It’s OK,” he assures her. “I wouldn’t have been interested anyway because I’m gay.”

 

“ _Oh_ ,” she squeaks, relieved. Her crush on Adam was kickstarted at Freshman Homecoming when they danced together and, since a boy had never wanted to dance with her before, she fell head over heels in love with him. In her letter, she wrote about loving his 'awesome moves' and his kind, kind eyes. She tried to find him again at the next school dance but he was nowhere to be seen and she was resigned to third-wheeling Rosa and her girlfriend. It’s safe to say that was a forgettable night and a forgettable crush. Adam was no Jake or Luke.

 

“How many of these letters got out then, Santiago? I assume a gay guy wasn’t the only boy you wrote to.”

 

“Five.”

 

God, it sounds so many when she says it out loud. She just confessed her undying love for five whole boys and it’s only second period on Monday.

 

It’s going to be a long week.

 

* * *

 

She decides to go to her happy place, Shaw’s Diner. She used to come here with her mom all the time before she died so it’s filled with good memories. Plus, they make a mean strawberry milkshake.

 

As she sips her drink, the jukebox playing Tom Jones’ _What’s New Pussycat?_ in the background, her brain runs wild. Luckily, the first letter was addressed to Puzzle Camp so Blonde Henry would never know how much she loved his striped green sweater and toothy grin. But the other four boys have all received their letters. Teddy would know all about how she’d fantasized about them going on a romantic French honeymoon because he was a representative of France in Model UN. You get it. Luke Mueller, who she’d had a crush on _forever_ , who was always round at their house, playing video games or writing music for his and Luis’ band, received a letter. And Jake… her first kiss at her first boy/girl party. At the time, she thought he was the cutest boy in the world (even cuter than Zac Efron!), and he still is, but now he’s popular and dating Sophia and she wouldn’t be surprised if the letter is all over Snapchat and Instagram already.

 

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, Santiago?”

 

Amy nearly chokes on her drink as cuter-than-Zac-Efron-Jake sits down beside her and orders a chocolate milkshake. “Nothing. What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?”

 

“Your brothers said you’d be here,” he replies, shrugging. That’s not a no. “Listen. I just want to be super clear. I’m super flattered that you like me _romantic-stylez_ , but Sophia and I literally just broke up…”

 

“I know. I honestly don’t want to date you. I wrote that letter in seventh grade.”

 

“Right, well, your mouth is saying something, but your mouth said something different back at school. When you kissed me. On the lips.”

 

She grimaces, wishing she could disappear. Her romance novels never taught her how to deal with a scenario like this. “Here’s the thing, I don’t actually like you. I just had to make it look like I liked you so someone else wouldn’t think that I liked them.”

 

“No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. So who don’t you like?” He asks with a small smirk.

 

“It’s my brother’s best friend,” she mumbles, avoiding eye contact with him because she can’t stand to see that smirk and she can’t stand that she actually finds him attractive when he’s teasing her. “He got a letter too, but I can’t have him thinking that I like him! He’s been best friends with my brother since elementary school, it’ll make it so complicated whenever he comes round.”

 

“Woah, I wasn’t the only guy who got a letter?”

 

Amy narrows her eyes, detecting a hint of disappointment in his tone.

 

“Wow, you really think you’re special, then you find out she wrote love letters to two guys.”

 

“I actually wrote to five,” she corrects, although she’s not sure why. Five is a heck of a lot worse.

 

“ _Five_?” He echoes, raising his eyebrows. “Damn, Santiago. It’s always the quiet ones, huh?”

 

See? Five is worse.

 

Her face burning, she finishes off her drink in silence. “Anyway, I need to get home. So, uh, see you at school tomorrow.”

 

“Want a ride?” He asks and for some reason - she doesn’t know whether it’s that charm smile, his sparkling eyes or his cute curly mop of hair that sway her - she says yes.

 

It’s only a five minute drive to her house and she spends the entire journey staring blankly out the window, hardly daring to look at him. He hums along to the Taylor Swift song playing on the radio and she has to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing. She can hardly judge him for being into Taylor when her seventh grade love letter to him was just leaked.

 

Eventually, he pulls up outside her house and she hops out his car, thanking him politely for the lift (and saving her from getting the bus). He stops her before she can reach her front door.

 

“What if we let people think we’re together?”

 

Amy’s eyebrows shoot up. “ _What_?”

 

“What if we let people think we’re dating? You know, just for a little while.”

 

“Why would you want that?”

 

“When Sophia heard you kissed me, she went crazy and if she thinks you and I are a thing, then she’ll want to get back together,” he explains.

 

“You want to use me?” Amy fires back. She is a _feminist_. She will not be used to make another girl jealous.

 

“ _Technically_ you used me first,” he points out. Which, to be fair, is true. She did jump him to get Luke off her back. “Just think about it, OK?”

 

“Fine,” she sighs, turning her key in the lock and opening her front door. “Bye, Peralta.”

 

“Bye, Santiago.”

 

She shuts the door behind her and runs up to her bedroom, flopping onto her bed.

 

Did Jake Peralta seriously just suggest that they pretend to date each other?

 

* * *

 

 She barely sleeps that night. She can’t stop thinking about what Jake said, about Jake wants her to do.

 

On the one hand, he’s gorgeous and sweet and funny and she _really_ likes him. What girl wouldn’t want to date Jake Peralta for a while? It would help her out with avoiding Luke and, since she’s never had a boyfriend before, it would be kind of like a practice run. On the other hand, he only wants to fake date her so he can get his ex back. She’s a strong, independent woman, dammit, and she will not be used as a pawn to fix his broken relationship.

 

By morning she decides _screw it_ and agrees to his crazy plan. She doesn’t want to risk him releasing her letters to the entire school, doesn’t think she could survive the sheer humiliation of that happening. Pretending to date him is the safest option.

 

He’s in soccer practice when she marches over to him, her high ponytail swinging from side to side.

 

“Hey, Peralta!” She shouts, grabbing his attention.

 

He paces towards her, his brow furrowed. “What are you doing here? You don’t play soccer.”

 

“I’m in. I’ll pretend to date you.”

 

“Yeah?” A smile blossoms on his face and she can’t help but smile back. Before she knows it, he’s leaning down to kiss her and she’s wrapping her arms around his neck and this is so much better than seventh grade.

 

She can feel the rest of the soccer team staring when they finally separate. Avoiding all eye contact, she says something about needing to get to English and gets the hell off the sports field as fast as she can.

 

* * *

 

She meets up with him at lunch to discuss their arrangement. She’s not doing this unless they set clear and defined rules so things don’t get messy and awkward. She doesn’t want a real relationship with him and he’s made it very clear that he doesn’t want a real relationship with her; they’re doing this to help each other out and it’s imperative that they remain as professional and focused as possible. She already has the spare binder she keeps in her locker prepared.

 

“First things first, we need to have a contract so we’re on the same page about the rules.”

 

“ _Rules_?”

 

“Yes, it’s important to know where we stand on certain issues.” Plus, she loves any excuse to make a list and put in a binder. But she doesn’t tell him that part.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Well, I don’t want you to kiss me anymore,” she says firmly, very clear on that point. While he is obviously a very good kisser - a _stupid good_ kisser - they are not in a real relationship and it would be inappropriate for them to continue kissing.

 

“Nobody’s gonna believe we’re dating if we don’t kiss,” he objects.

 

Amy gave this some serious thought overnight and she has her answer already prepared. “Look, I’ve never had a boyfriend before. If I’m going to be making out with someone, I want it to be real, I want it to mean something. If you can’t agree to those terms then I’m out. You can find another girl who’s willing to help you make Sophia jealous.”

 

“Fine,” he sighs, stuffing his hands in his hoodie pockets. He always coordinates his hoodies to the plaid shirt he’s wearing underneath. Amy thinks it’s adorable. “But if you don’t want me to kiss you-.”

 

“Which I don’t,” she interjects.

 

“Then we’re going have to figure something else out because people are going to get suspicious about why a couple in high school are not touching each other at all.”

 

“That’s a valid point,” she admits. “How about this? You can put your hand in my back pocket.” She smiles dreamily, thinking about that moment in her favourite movie. She’d imagined her boyfriend putting his hand in the back pocket of her jeans since she was a little girl.

 

Jake looks super confused. “Hand in your back pocket? What the hell does that mean?”

 

“ _Sixteen Candles_?”

 

He looks even more confused.

 

“It’s the opening image,” she says, her eyes widening when he doesn’t react. “Have you never seen _Sixteen Candles_?”

 

“I don’t tend to watch cheesy romance films from the ‘70s.”

 

“ _Sixteen Candles_ is from the ‘80s and it’s a classic,” she instantly corrects. “And I’m adding _Watch Sixteen Candles_ _with me_ to the contract. No boyfriend of mine will have not seen it.”

 

He groans in disgust. “Any other rules?”

 

“Yes. The most important one. We can never tell anyone that this relationship is fake.”

 

“Duh. That’s the first rule of Fight Club.”

 

Now it’s Amy’s turn to be confused.

 

“Are you serious? You have seven brothers and you’ve never seen _Fight Club_?”

 

She shakes her head, not sure why that’s such a big deal. She’s always preferred reading and watching romance movies to the thrillers her brothers would put on the TV.

 

“Well, we’re changing that,” he insists, grabbing her list and writing _Watch Fight Club_ next to _Sixteen Candles_. “And, uh, maybe I could write you notes everyday.”

 

“Really?” She whispers, biting her lip. A boyfriend sending her cute love letters everyday? That is like her _dream_.

 

“Yeah, Sophia always wanted me to write her them. I never did, so if I start sending them to you, she’ll be pissed. It’ll be good.”

 

“You are so romantic,” she teases, trying her best to hide her disappointment that the love letter idea was really about Sophia and not her.

 

“Whatever,” he retorts, rolling his eyes. “I’m also writing that you have to watch all my soccer games and come with me to parties.”

 

“And you have to drive me to school everyday. I’m a really nervous driver.”

 

“OK. Fine. But you’re coming with me on the ski trip.”

 

The ski trip?

 

The ski trip is _infamous_ for being the location where more students lose their virginity than Senior Week and Prom combined.

 

Amy has never been before.

 

Obviously.

 

“Um, that’s like three months away,” she says, trying to keep the nerves out of her voice. “Are we really still going to be doing this in three months time?”

 

“You like being organized. Let’s call it a contingency, huh? Santiago style. Nobody’s gonna believe we’re boyfriend and girlfriend if I go on that trip on my own, so if we’re still together you’ve gotta come with.”

 

Amy is certain that by the time the ski trip comes around, her and Jake will be ancient history and that is the _only_ reason she says, “OK. Deal.”

 

“Great. One last thing. No matter what happens, you are not allowed to fall in love with me.”

 

Amy rolls her eyes. He is _so_ full of himself. “Won’t be a problem.”

 

* * *

 

 _October_.

 

Jake keeps his promise.

 

The next morning, he does pick her up for school and she enjoys the shocked look on Sophia’s face when they get out of the car together a little too much.

 

In fact, everyone seems shocked that Jake and Amy are dating. She’s quiet, introverted and never normally hangs around with the popular crowd. Jake, on the other hand, is loud, confident and the _leader_ of the popular crowd. It’s a weird match, she has to admit.

 

She’s putting her books into her locker when she sees Rosa for the first time since she signed her contract with Peralta. It’s been hard enough keeping this secret from her best friend in the entire world and it’s even harder not blurting everything out the second Rosa is in front of her.

 

“S’up?” She says, trying to act cool. She’s heard Jake say it, but it doesn’t roll as naturally off her tongue.

 

Rosa pulls a face. “First I find out you’re dating Peralta and now you’re using abbreviations? You hate abbreviations. What the hell is going on with you?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Shouldn’t you be happy for me?” She asks, raising her eyebrows.

 

“I am. Of course I am. _Peralta_ though? Seriously, Ames?”

 

“Yes, Peralta,” she responds. Rosa knows she had a crush on him in middle school so she doesn’t see why it would come as such as a surprise that she’s dating him. Although Amy and Rosa weren’t that close in middle school and therefore Rosa can’t really understand just how big of a crush Amy had. Sophia was Amy’s best friend and even she didn’t know the full extent. Only Amy knew and, well, Jake now because she wrote it all down in his letter.

 

“Fine,” she sighs. “But if he hurts you, I will straight up murder him. And I’ll put it up on YouTube as a warning to any boys who may hurt you in the future.”

 

Amy giggles as she shuts her locker and Rosa wraps her arm around her shoulder. Rosa’s a total badass. A leather jacket wearing badass. Everyone in school is kind of terrified of her, but not Amy. With Rosa by her side, people stop staring. Amy only wishes it were like that when she’s with Jake too.

 

* * *

 

Her cheeks are burning as they walk into the cafeteria, Jake’s hand in the back pocket of her jeans like they agreed. She can feel their classmates gawping at them, whispering about them to their friends. She’s not all used to being the centre of her school’s attention. It sucks.

 

Her stomach is in knots as they approach the popular table. Sophia is sat right there and she’s shooting an icy glare in Amy’s direction.

 

Jake tugs on her pocket, spinning her around to face him. His eyes are sparkling as he pulls a folded piece of paper out of his back pocket and places it in her hand.

 

Furrowing her brow, she opens it up and deciphers his messy handwriting.

 

_Big party tonight. I’ll pick you up at 8. Wear something cute :)_

 

She glances back up at him, worrying her lower lip. She hasn’t been to a big party in, well, forever. Especially not a party hosted by Jake’s popular friends. While she’s pretending to be his girlfriend. She’s not sure she’s cut out for this-.

 

“You’ll be fine, babe,” he promises, squeezing her hand. “I’ll be with you the whole time.”

 

Right. She’ll be fine. She can do this. How scary can a party really be?

 

* * *

 

“This place is incredible,” Amy murmurs as she looks around the building with its high ceilings, dark hardwood floor and luxurious white panelled walls. Her family of eight are stuffed into a tiny four bed because that’s all her dad could afford as a single parent on a police officer’s salary. It’s unbelievable that she goes to the same school as people that can afford homes like this.

 

With butterflies currently going crazy in her stomach, she nervously fixes her ponytail.

 

“What are you doing? Give me this,” Jake says, stealing her scrunchie and sliding it onto his wrist.

 

“What? No. Give it back.” She tries to take back her favorite scrunchie but he’s a soccer player and he easily evades her like he’s dribbling the ball past a defender.  

 

“I’m keeping this for tonight,” he insists. “I like your hair down. You look pretty.”

 

Amy blushes. “You’re just saying that.”

 

“I’m not. I’ll prove it to you.” He takes a picture of her on his phone and smiles as he saves it as his wallpaper. “Now give me your phone.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Just do it, Santiago,” he says, holding out his hand. Reluctantly, she places her phone in his hand and he takes a selfie. “You need to make this your lock screen. Nobody will believe we’re dating otherwise.”

 

She raises her eyebrows skeptically because is that really what relationships have come to now? Lock screens and Facebook posts? It kind of breaks her hopeless romantic heart. She makes it her lock screen anyway, following Jake as he holds her hand and guides her through the house.

 

The music is super loud, Jake’s soccer teammates are participating in an intense game of beer pong and everyone around them is buzzed from the alcohol. Amy is used to spending her Friday nights curled up in bed reading a good book, not partying it up with the popular kids from school. She feels Jake squeeze her hand, like he can sense how nervous she is, and smiles a little bit. He’s not leaving her side. She can do this.

 

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks.”

 

“What? You’re leaving me?”

 

“I’ll be back in two minutes,” he promises, breaking the rule by kissing her cheek.

 

She’s about to protest when Sophia appears by their side and it suddenly makes sense why he kissed her. He wanted to make Sophia jealous. Of course. It’s always about Sophia.

 

“Hi, Jake. _Ames_ ,” she says, her tone sugary sweet. “What a surprise seeing you here!”

 

“I invited her,” Jake shrugs before leaving to go get the drinks.

 

Sophia’s false smile vanishes the moment Jake is gone. She places her hand on her hip and glares at Amy. “I can’t believe you’re dating him. Everyone knows I’m still in love with him.”

 

“Aren’t you seeing a college guy?”

 

“Only to make Jake jealous,” she responds as if that’s obvious. “I didn’t expect him to start dating little Amy Santiago.”

 

“That’s not my problem, Sophia. Jake and I are both very happy.”

 

“All I’m saying is you better not do anything with him. He’s still mine,” she threatens, flicking her silky hair behind her shoulder and sauntering off to some other part of the house.

  
Amy sighs in relief as she sits on a nearby sofa, grateful _that_ is over. Sophia still intimidates the crap out of her. It’s not just that Sophia is one of the popular girls, it’s that they used to be friends. Best friends. And therefore Sophia has a _lot_ of material she could use against Amy.

 

There was that time they were playing soccer with all the boys from elementary school and Amy tripped. Not only did she get mud all over her face, but she was also stupidly wearing a skirt and everyone saw her sparkly pink underwear. Sophia was there when, aged thirteen, Amy full-on sobbed over Bambi’s mom dying. And Sophia is the only one who was present for Amy’s first taste of alcohol, which she promptly threw up all over herself.

 

“Looking pensive there, Santiago,” Jake says, returning with two plastic cups in hand. “What’re you thinking about?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“It didn’t look like nothing,” he presses further and she hates the way he does this. Dig deeper and deeper into her personal business, charming her until she confesses her most precious secrets. He already knows too much. This isn’t even a real relationship. She doesn’t have to tell him this stuff. And yet, he keeps convincing her and she keeps confiding in him.

 

“Fine. Sophia came over and kind of threatened me.”

 

“About what?”

 

“You, of course,” she whispers, conscious that everyone around them is friends with Sophia and would sell Amy out at any moment. “She’s still into you and I’m the only thing preventing you from getting back together. After she left, I was remembering all my embarrassing moments she’s seen that she could use as blackmail.”

 

Anger flares in Jake’s face for a second and then it’s gone. “Ignore her,” he says firmly, which is ironic because he can’t seem to stop talking about her.

 

“I’d never thought of that before,” she replies sarcastically, taking a sip from one of the plastic cups. It makes her gag. “Ew, Peralta! What the hell is that?”

 

“A Kombucha. I’m driving, remember? Try the beer.”

 

She drinks from the second cup and it’s much better, but it still tastes weird.

 

Jake chuckles at the face she’s pulling. “You’ll get used to it, Santiago.”

 

“I will?”

 

“Yeah, you’re going to be coming to parties with me a lot over the next few months. It’s in the contract.”

 

“Right,” she sighs. “The contract.”

 

* * *

 

They leave the party early, but instead of driving her home, he pulls into Shaw’s Diner.

 

Amy raises her eyebrows questioningly. “What are we doing here?”

 

“You’ve had more to drink than you’re used to. I’m making sure you have some good food in your stomach before your dad sees you tipsy.”

 

That’s actually a good idea, she thinks. She doesn’t admit it aloud though, doesn’t give him the satisfaction of being right.

 

He jumps out his car and jogs round to her side, opening her door. “M’lady,” he says, extending a hand to help her out.

 

“I’m not tipsy,” she informs him haughtily, taking his hand anyway. “I didn’t have that much to drink.”

 

She stumbles in her high-heeled boots, ignoring his laughter. Again, refusing to give him the satisfaction. They’ve not been fake dating long, but she already knows that being right and saying “I told you so” is _very_ important to him.

 

He holds her hand tightly as they walk into the diner and Sharon Jeffords, her favorite waitress, grins, giving her a subtle thumbs up and mouthing “he’s hot!!!” Amy’s cheeks redden. Sharon has been serving her in Shaw’s since she was a little girl and her mom was still alive. She’s always asking Amy about her love life (or lack thereof) and she’s obviously excited to see her favorite customer hand-in-hand with a super hot guy. Amy is already anticipating the questions she’s going to ask next time she’s in here alone.

 

Jake orders cheeseburgers and fries for both of them. Amy opens her mouth to protest because there’s no _freaking_ way she can finish a whole portion of fries on her own, but Jake cuts her off. “Sophia would always say the exact same thing and not order fries. When mine came, she ended up eating them all to herself. You are having your own fries.”

 

“I’m nothing like Sophia.”

 

“I’m aware. But you’re still not stealing my fries, you fry thief.”

 

“What’re you gonna do if I do steal them?” She asks, a sudden confidence springing up from somewhere. Is this what flirting is? “Call the cops?”

 

“Um, yeah, I will actually,” he says seriously.

 

“My dad’s a cop. They all love me around here.” She smirks at her mini victory.

 

“Whatever, Santiago. This is what I don’t get about you. You’re pretty, smart, you’re so flirty with me, but you’ve never been in a relationship before. Why?”

 

Amy’s smirk immediately disappears. “I don’t know.”

 

“Oh, c’mon, you know.”

 

“I guess nobody’s ever liked me like that before,” she shrugs, embarrassed. They’re the same age and yet Jake’s kissed tons of girls, had multiple serious relationships and had sex (at least she’s pretty sure he has - there was a rumour circulating about him and Sophia last year). Meanwhile, Amy has done literally nothing.

 

“That’s a lie. I know for a fact that Ben from soccer asked you out before summer break. And you said no. Poor dude was heartbroken all summer long.”

 

“He was _not_ ,” she laughs, balling up her napkin and bouncing it off his head. “He was posting Instagram photos with another girl, like, a week later.”

 

“OK, bad example. But seriously, why have you never dated anyone?”

 

“I guess I’m just scared,” she confesses, blushing wildly. She’s never talked to anyone about this before.

 

“Scared of what?” He pushes, leaning forward, his elbows on the table. She resists the sisterly urge to chastise him for poor table manners, distracted by his eyes. He’s staring right at her and he seems genuinely interested. It’s why she says,

 

“Scared of getting my heart broken, I guess. I was devastated after losing my mom. Ever since then, it’s like I’ve been scared to lose anyone else. If I don’t have a boyfriend, I can’t lose a boyfriend.”

 

“I suppose that makes sense…”

 

“I read romance books because there’s always a happy ending,” she continues. “There’s not necessarily a happy ending in real life.”

 

“But how will you ever get your happy ending if you never put yourself out there, Santiago?”

 

Sharon brings over their meals, effectively ending _that_ conversation.

 

His words reverberate in her head for the rest of that night and into the next morning. He’s right, as much as she’s loathe to admit it. She’s only with Jake because somebody else sent out her letters, she only kissed him in the seventh grade because the bottle happened to stop in front of her. She’s never once made a bold move with a boy. No wonder she’s always been single.

 

* * *

 

 _November_.

 

Fake dating Jake is getting easier and easier.

 

She always eats with him in the cafeteria and is even becoming friends with some of his friends. They’re nothing like her old friends, they’re jocks and they’re popular, but it’s fun to be part of a group.

 

It isn’t all sunshine and roses though. Things with Luke are still awkward.

 

He goes round to Amy’s house after they bumped into each other at school, asking to talk to Amy rather than Luis. Which is weird and awkward and she already feels kind of sick when they step outside to talk.

 

“I can’t believe you’re dating Peralta,” he says, sitting on the steps while she leans against the wall trying not to have a panic attack. She can’t believe they’re having this conversation.

 

“Why? Is it so unbelievable that a boy could actually like me?”

 

“No, of course not, you’re beautiful and smart and funny but-. He’s captain of the soccer team, dated the most popular girl in the school. You love reading books. You’ve never even had a boyfriend before! You’re too innocent for him.”

 

“You make me sound so boring. I’m not that innocent, you know,” she says defensively, wringing her hands together.

 

“OK,” he scoffs.

 

“Is that all you came here to talk to me about?” She questions, starting to feel mad.

 

“No. Listen…” He scratches the back of his ear, avoiding eye contact with her. “Did you really mean what you wrote in the letter?”

 

“I don’t know… It was a long time ago.”

 

“Well, not for me, alright? This is all new and I’m just trying to understand-.”

 

“There’s nothing to understand,” she cuts him off, hoping her brothers aren’t listening to this conversation. They’re not exactly whispering. “I don’t have feelings for you anymore and besides, you should never have seen that letter. I never wanted you to read it. It was just for me.”

 

“But I did see it!”

 

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, heading back to her house. “This is all too much for me. I’ve gotta go. I’ve got trig homework.”

 

* * *

 

As per the contract, Jake watched _Sixteen Candles_ with her last week. He gave it three and a half stars. Even though Amy was offended that he didn’t love her favorite film of all time, she thought it was cute that he gave it a proper rating and proceeded to explain why he didn’t think it was a perfect five.

 

A week later, she watched _Fight Club_ with him. She gave it three-point-four stars just to be petty. There’s no way it was better than _Sixteen Candles_.

 

Movie nights have kind of become their thing.

 

Her brother Carlos teased her mercifully about Netflix and Chilling with her boyfriend. In response, Amy threw a pillow at his head and threatened him with sending old embarrassing photos of his frosted tips phase to his friends at school. He quickly shut up.

 

While they may watch a lot of Netflix ( _after_ they finish their homework, of course, she’s still Amy Santiago), they are definitely not doing any “chilling”, no matter what Jake’s jock friends may think. Nor does she want to chill with him. Yes, he’s very cute, but this relationship is not real and she is totally fine with that.

 

They still hang out with each other outside school like they’re dating and he’s met all her family. Her brothers absolutely adore him, as does her dad. A small part of her kind of wishes they didn’t involve their families though. Her youngest brother, who’s six years old, born just before their mom died, can’t get enough of Jake. Amy thinks he actually loves Jake more than he loves her. She doesn’t want him to get hurt when this inevitably ends. That’s why she’s surprised when Jake suggests that she meets his mom.

 

* * *

 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Karen says as she welcomes Amy into her home with a tight hug. “I’ve heard so much about the famous Amy Santiago. Jake talks about you all the time.”

 

“He does?” Amy asks shyly, glancing at Jake.

 

His cheeks turn bright red.

 

“All good things, I promise,” Karen teases. “Dinner should be ready in a few minutes. I made spaghetti if that’s OK?”

 

“Sounds perfect.”

 

“We’ll set the table,” Jake offers, dragging Amy into the kitchen to get the table mats and plates and cutlery.

 

“Use the special plates tonight, honey,” comes Karen’s voice from behind him. “After all, we have got a very special guest tonight. Your first girlfriend since she-who-must-not-be-named.”

 

Karen winks at Amy and she fights to hide her smile. It comforts her that Jake’s mom doesn’t like Sophia either.

 

“ _Mom_ ,” Jake says pointedly, getting out the fancy plates they only usually use for Hanukkah. “I’m sure Amy doesn’t want to hear about her.”

 

He’s right about that one. She doesn’t.

 

“Which is why I referred to her as she-who-must-not-be-named,” Karen argues, spooning the finished dinner into a serving dish and carrying it to the table. Amy sets out the knives and forks while Jake prepares them all drinks. Karen takes the opportunity to gossip with Amy while Jake is out the room. “She broke my son’s heart, you know?”

 

“Sophia?”

 

“Mmm-hmm. You seem like a much nicer girl than her though. You’re not going to break his heart, are you?”

 

Amy thinks of the contract, of how this isn’t a real relationship, of how it has to end at some point. They haven’t yet figured out how to break up (Amy showed her dating inexperience by suggesting the classic “it’s not you it’s me” trope which Jake immediately rebuked), but either way she knows Karen is going to end up hating her. She’ll probably become she-who-must-not-be-named 2.0. The girl who agreed to fake date her son and lie to everybody they know.

 

“I promise I won’t,” she says instead.

 

“You promise you won’t what?” Jake questions, joining them at the table with two cokes and a water for Amy.

 

She’s distracted for a moment, touched that he remembers her preference for drinking water with her meals. “Talk about your ex anymore,” she improvises after a few seconds.

 

Jake seems to buy it. Thank God.

 

She hates how much she’s been lying lately. She knows it’s all going to catch up with her eventually, but she can’t seem to stop.

 

“Jakey tells me you have seven brothers,” Karen says, twirling the spaghetti onto her fork. “I bet your mom was relieved to finally have a girl.”

 

“ _Mom_ ,” Jake hisses, shooting an apologetic look in Amy’s direction. “I told you Amy’s mom passed away when she was younger.”

 

“Oh shoot.” Karen’s expression morphs into one of horror, dropping her fork with a clatter. She reaches for Amy’s hand and squeezes it tightly. “I am _so_ sorry, honey.”

 

“It’s OK, Mrs Peralta. It happened a long time ago and, to be honest, it’s kind of nice to her people mention her in a normal conversation, you know? Nobody does that anymore. And, for the record, she did love having her one girl. We used to team up together against all the boys. My brothers are heathens.”

 

Karen laughs. “Oh, I can relate. This one is definitely a heathen too.”

 

“Hey!” Jake cries. “I am not a _heathen_.”

 

“It’s OK, Jake,” Amy says with a teasing glint in her eye. “We still like you.”

 

“Sometimes,” Karen adds, making Amy giggle.

 

Jake throws up his hands in frustration, feeling totally and completely outnumbered.

 

* * *

 

Amy’s lying in bed when her phone beeps with a text from Jake.

 

 _My mom really loves you_ , it reads.

 

Amy grins despite herself. **_I’ve always been good with moms. I think Rosa’s mom loves me more than Rosa._**

 

_I don’t blame her lmao_

 

_I know she’s your best friend but she’s intense_

 

**_That’s what I love about her. Opposites attract, right?_ **

 

_Yeah I guess so. We’re definitely opposites. I guess that’s why people believe that we could be dating for realz_

 

Amy sighs at the stark reminder that none of this is real, that she’s not actually his girlfriend. Sometimes after a long day of pretending, she forgets. She lets herself imagine that Jake really likes her, that he’s not doing this just to get back at she-who-must-not-be-named.

 

(She likes that. She’s adopting it from now on.)

 

**_Will your mom hate me when she finds out?_ **

 

_Nah, she’ll get over it_

 

**_My dad will hate you. And he’s a cop. So be warned._ **

 

Jake sends several of the wide-eyed emojis in response.

 

* * *

 

 _December_.

 

“I can’t believe you dragged me out here,” Rosa scowls. “I can literally see my breath right now.”

 

Amy rolls her eyes. Under their contractual agreement, she said she would watch Jake’s soccer games and, since she didn’t want to go alone, she invited Rosa and Adam to come with her. “It’s not my fault you’re only wearing your leather jacket, dummy. Here, put my hat on.”

 

Amy places her bright pink bobble hat on Rosa’s head, laughing at the sight. She never thought she’d see the day when Rosa Diaz wore pink. She snaps a picture to show Jake later.

 

“I love it,” Adam smirks. “Your boyfriend looks hot by the way, Santiago.”

 

“Oh, I’m aware,” she responds with a wink.

 

What can she say? She’s got to be believable. Plus, she secretly has a thing for guys in sports kits. She doesn’t know what it is - she doesn’t even really _like_ sports - but the uniforms always seem to make dudes look ten times hotter. Especially Jake.

 

Speaking of, she catches his eye as one player goes down injured. She waves at him and he blows her a kiss. It’s like something from one of her cheesy romance novels, but she doesn’t care. It’s cute and Jake’s cute and she’s happier than she’s ever been.

 

(Jake’s team win 2-1 with him scoring the winner late in the game. Amy jumps up and down excitedly and they celebrate with chocolate milkshakes in Shaw’s Diner afterwards. It’s fun. Going to Jake’s soccer games as his girlfriend is fun.)

 

* * *

 

She’s having lunch with Rosa under the bleachers when she sees a familiar pair of sneakers - she has his collection pretty much memorised at this point - accompanied by a pair of pale brown Uggs. She narrows her eyes, slowly eating her sandwich.

 

“ ** _You_ ** _broke up with_ **_me_** _, remember_?”

 

 _“It was a mistake,_ ” comes Sophia’s voice. “ _I miss you. I want you back._ ”

 

Rosa looks at Amy with wide eyes. Amy places her finger over a lips and shushes. She wants to listen to this.

 

_“I’ve moved on and I thought you had too.”_

 

_“I’m only dating David to make you jealous. I’d break up with him in a second if we could get back together.”_

 

 _“Sophia…”_ Jake sighs and Amy’s heart skips a beat. She has no idea what he’s going to say. She knows what she wants him to say. _I’m with Amy so back off, bitch._ But that’s obviously never going to happen. She has no right to even feel this way; she’s not his girlfriend. He can do what he wants. _“I wish you’d said this stuff months ago. If you told me how you really felt before, if Amy wasn’t in the picture, then maybe it could work.”_

 

Anger flares within Amy, a red haze engulfing the bleachers. She puts her headphones on and plays the Hamilton soundtrack to drown out their voices.

 

* * *

 

“He’s such a dick,” Luke declares as he leans against the lockers next to Amy’s.

 

“You’ve always hated him,” Amy responds, swapping out some of the books in her backpack for the books in her locker. Luke hates all jocks, but his hatred for Jake has intensified ever since Amy started “dating” him. Even though the awkwardness has faded between Amy and Luke, it’s hard to be friends with him when he disses her fake boyfriend/guy she secretly has real feelings for every other sentence.

 

“Yeah, because he’s a dick.”

 

“SANTIAGO!” Jake yells from the other end of the hallway, his arms raised.

 

“You should probably go see what your boyfriend wants before he deafens the entire student body.” Luke smiles and leaves them to it. Amy closes her locker, apprehensively walking towards Jake, cradling her text books to her chest.

 

“Hey,” she murmurs.

 

“Hey? That’s all I get? _Hey_? You’ve just been talking to another guy for ten minutes, you’ve been avoiding me since lunch, and all I get is _hey_?”

 

When he’s angry he suddenly feels ten feet taller.

 

“Luke and I are friends, Jake. I know you think my life only revolves around you and Sophia and going to your dumb jock parties, but you’re wrong. I have other friends. Friends who don’t take advantage of me to get back with their ex.”

 

“I don’t think your life revolves around me-. Wait.” He glances around nervously, dragging her into an empty music room. Of course. Fight Club. Nobody can know this relationship is fake. “Get back with my ex? What’re you talking about?”

 

“I heard you and Sophia on the bleachers,” she cries, her heart beating like crazy.

 

_“You were spying on me?”_

 

“Rosa and I were there first,” she points out. “We were eating our lunch and you two came over and she was fully making a move on you. And you said if I was out of the picture then maybe you two could be together again. Well, maybe it’s time for me to disappear out the picture.”

 

“What? No way!”

 

“Jake-.” She lets out a strangled laugh. “We’ve achieved what we both wanted. Luke and I are friends again, we’re past the letter fiasco. Sophia is sufficiently jealous. Maybe it’s time to call it.”

 

“It’s not time to call it,” Jake says. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say his voice sounded kind of desperate. “We still have to go on the ski trip. It’s in the contract, Santiago.”

 

“Only if we’re still together…”

 

“We _are_ still together,” he insists.

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

Jake nods, biting his lip. “So, you want a lift home tonight?”

 

“I’ll take the bus,” she says. There’s a definite note of sadness in her voice. This feels very much like the end.

 

She doesn’t want it to end though.

 

She turns her back and gets out her phone, googling _how do you tell your fake boyfriend that you’ve caught real feelings for him?_

 

Loads of articles from women’s magazines pop up but she doesn’t read any of them. She puts her phone in the back pocket of her jeans - the same back pocket Jake had his hand in not too long ago - and heads for the bus stop.

 

* * *

 

“Ames, you have to go. You can’t let Sophia steal your man!”

 

“What if he was never really mine to begin with?” Amy says. Realising that sounds dangerously close to breaking the Fight Club rule, she continues, “what if I was only keeping her seat warm? Just Jake’s rebound until they figure out how they feel about each other.”

 

“That’s crazy.”

 

Amy’s eyes widen, looking over her shoulder at her dad leaning against the door frame. “How long have you been stood there for?”

 

“Long enough,” he says, joining the two of them on the sofa. “Long enough to know how crazy you’re being. That boy is head over heels for you, Ames.”

 

“He is?” She squeaks, blushing.

 

“Head. Over. Heels. And I can tell you like him too. You’ve been so much happier these last few months, less anxious. You’ve socialised more. You’ve made your old man very proud.”

 

Amy’s cheeks darken. She shouldn’t really be surprised that her dad’s noticed the influence Jake has had on her, he is the best detective in the NYPD.

 

“I agree with Mr Santiago,” Rosa says. “I thought Jake was just another terrible jock but he’s actually pretty great. Apart from his music taste. I mean, Taylor Swift and Carly Rae Jepson? _Seriously_?”

 

Amy giggles. “So you think I should go on the ski trip with him?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“ _Duh_. I thought you were supposed to be smart.”

 

“I am smart, Diaz,” Amy objects, swatting her with a cushion. “I’ll only go on the ski trip if you come with me.”

 

“You know I hate school functions,” Rosa scowls.

 

“I know and therefore I don’t have to go,” she says gleefully. “Told you I was smart.”

 

“Fine. I’ll go on the dumb ski trip,” Rosa announces, surprising both father and daughter. They’ve never known her to go on a school field trip. Ever. Amy feels like she’s been transformed into an alternate dimension. She has a hot, popular boyfriend and Rosa is agreeing to attend a school event. This isn’t really happening.

 

* * *

 

Except it is happening.

 

She doesn’t believe it until she sees Rosa on the bus, sunglasses over her eyes even though it’s still dark out.

 

Amy’s one of the last on the bus, even though they got to school super early, because her dad gave her a lengthy speech on safety in the car. He’d even given her pepper spray and a rape alarm. He finally let her leave about five minutes before the bus was due to leave, shouting “stay safe, tiger!” after her while she ran with her bags. Sometimes having a cop for a dad kind of sucks.

 

When she gets on the bus, Jake is sat near the front, an empty seat next to him. He grins at her.

 

She ducks her head, still kind of mad at him, and walks straight past.

 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jake says, grabbing her hand. “What are you doing?”

 

“Sitting next to Rosa,” she responds curtly, trying to pull her hand away.

 

Unsurprisingly, he’s stronger than her. “You’re my girlfriend. You’re supposed to sit next to me on the bus.”

 

“Rosa only came on this trip for me so I’m sitting next to her. Now let me go!”

 

He does and he hurries to the back of the bus, sitting next to Rosa. She lays her head on her shoulder and closes her eyes. “Boys suck,” she mutters.

 

“And that’s why I date girls,” Rosa responds, patting Amy on the head. “Forget about him. Watch _Friends_ on your phone. That’ll cheer you up.”

 

She does watch _Friends_ and it does cheer her up until she realises that Sophia took the empty seat next to Jake.

 

She’d like to amend her previous statement. Boys _and_ their bitchy ex-girlfriends suck.

 

* * *

 

When they arrive at the hotel, she gets a room with Rosa, while Adam is in the room next door. Everyone else gets changed into their ski pants, warm coats and boots immediately, eager to hit the slopes. Even Rosa leaves Amy and Adam to go snowboarding.

 

The two of them decide to have a cosy night in, doing facials and watching old 90s sitcoms. She almost forgets about Jake, until Adam brings him up.

 

“You know Sophia is totally making a move on your man, right?”

 

“I know,” Amy grumbles. It seems like everybody in the school knows. And it also seems like everybody has already jumped to the conclusion that, given a choice between Amy and Sophia, Jake would pick Sophia. Amy doesn’t blame them. If she were a betting woman, she’d bet on Sophia too.

 

“What are you gonna do about it?”

 

“Nothing?” Amy says.

 

“Wrong answer,” Adam says. “You have to fight for him.”

 

“What’s the point?” She asks, already feeling pretty defeated. The entire school is waiting for her to get dumped. “He’s just gonna pick her. She-who-must-not-be-named.”

 

Adam snorts. “I love that.”

 

“That’s what Jake’s mom calls her,” Amy giggles.

 

“Mom’s can have a big influence on who a guy dates. Especially since she’s a single parent and he’s an only child. If his mom hates Sop- she-who-must-not-be-named, he might swayed from getting back together with her. Plus, he likes you. Like, really likes you.”

 

“You think?” Amy asks, her eyes lighting up.

 

“I know so. You can’t fake the way he looks at you.”

 

Amy bites her lip, debating whether or not she should tell him.

 

Fight Club.

 

Fight Club.

 

Fight Club.

 

Actually, she thinks, _screw Fight Club_. He’s about to break up with her. She’s telling someone.

 

“He must be a really good actor then,” she says coyly.

 

“What the hell are you talking about, Santiago?”

 

“Jake and I have only been pretending to date.” Adam is stunned into silence, so she rambles on nervously. “We’re not really a couple. Never were. We’re only doing this to make things less awkward with Luke - who was one of the other four to get a letter, by the way - and make she-who-must-not-be-named jealous. He must be a really good actor to convince you he really liked me.”

 

“That is wild,” he says eventually. “I’m proud of you, Amy Santiago.”

 

“Thanks, I guess?” She’s not so sure she should be accepting plaudits for lying to everyone they know.

 

“I stand by what I said though. You can’t fake the way you two look at each other. You like each other for realz.”

 

Amy blushes - hard. She can’t believe she’s about to admit this to someone, but Adam’s already read her secret love letter to him and nothing can be more embarrassing than that, so she tells him anyway. “I think I have developed feelings for him over the last few months. Don’t tell anyone though. It will be even more mortifying when he inevitably sidles back to Sophia.”

 

“You mean she-who-must-not-be-named,” he corrects.

 

“Right.”

 

“If I were you, I’d go tell him. Right now. Before Sophia can sink her claws into him.”

 

“He’s been ignoring me ever since I sat by Rosa on the bus-.”

 

“Because _he_ wanted to sit by you.”

 

She considers it for a moment, then shakes her head. “I wouldn’t even know where to find him.”

 

“Start with the hot tub. He’s bound to be brooding in the hot tub. _Straight guys_ ,” he adds with a roll of his eyes.

 

“I didn’t bring any my bathing suit,” she argues.

 

“Fine. Go skinny dipping.” He smirks at her and she pushes him playfully.

 

* * *

 

Adam is right. She finds him alone and brooding in the hot tub.

 

“Hey,” she murmurs, careful not to startle him.

 

He doesn’t even look at her.

 

“Jake, please… We need to talk…”

 

“Oh, so you wanna talk to me now? That’s nice.” His tone is snippy and it makes her feel horrible inside, but she powers onwards. She at least needs to tell him how she feels, even if he doesn’t feel the same way.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t sit next to you on the bus,” she starts with the easiest thing first.

 

“It’s whatever. I bought you Orangina especially even though you know I prefer Orange Soda. Doesn’t matter though, I’m sure the soccer guys will drink it for me.”

 

“You bought Orangina for me?”

 

“Yeah. I went out of my way to get you the drink you love because…”

 

“You realized Orange Soda sucks?” She guesses. She’s too scared to guess what she really thinks.

 

“You’re impossible, Santiago,” he responds, splashing her with water.

 

She takes off her now-wet coat and tosses it on the floor. Dressed in her nightgown, she climbs into the hot tub with him. His eyes widen and she explains that she didn’t bring a bathing suit. She walks slowly towards him, her stomach in knots.

 

“I’m sorry for how I reacted to overhearing you and Sophia talk. I felt jealous and stupid and I know I should have come to talk to you about it but I’m here now.”

 

He grins. “C’mere.”

 

He pulls her into his lap and she places her hands on his neck. They stare at each other for a few moments, eyes flicking to each other’s lips. Amy makes the first move, pressing her lips to his. And it’s magical.

 

They’re in the mountains in a hot tub at night surrounded by twinkling fairy lights and the chirping of crickets. She’s kissing Jake Peralta and he’s kissing her back and she feels like her whole body is on fire, but in a good way. She could keep kissing him forever.

 

They kiss until it’s their curfew and they have to sneak back into their rooms. Jake kisses her again outside of her door and Amy practically glows with happiness.

 

* * *

 

Being Jake Peralta’s fake girlfriend was good, but being his real girlfriend - which is what she is now - is even better.

 

She spends the next few days reading in front of the fire in the cabin, snuggling with Jake, making smores with Jake and watching Jake ski and snowboard. She forgets she-who-must-not-be-named is even on the same trip as them. It’s a perfect few days.

 

On their last full day, Jake and Rosa convince her and Adam to get out in the snow and ski.

 

“You did sign up for a ski trip,” Rosa points out, eyebrows raised. “And yet you’ve barely left the cabin.”

 

“I don’t do cold,” Adam explains.

 

“What’s your excuse, Santiago?” Jake asks.

 

“I only came on this trip because you made me. I have never, and will never, have any interest in skiing.”

 

“If you don’t let me teach you, I’m withholding kisses until we get home.”

 

“Fine,” she caves pretty fast. She’s just got used to kissing Jake on the regular and she’s not ready to give it up yet.

 

He helps her change into more appropriate attire than a jumper, plaid skirt and black boots, declaring that she looks _adorable_ when she’s all bundled up in her ski gear.

 

“What about me?” Adam asks, striking a pose.

 

Jake doubles over in laughter. His ski suit is massive on him and it’s been borrowed so it’s an awful shade of green. “Yeah, you look great too, dude.”

 

“New York Fashion Week here I come!” He jokes, making Jake laugh harder. Amy’s so, so glad they get along. And in a way, she’s kind of glad Adam’s letter got out because he’s become one of the best friend’s she’s made in high school.

 

When they eventually get on the skis, Adam is better than she is. Which is no surprise, really, she has the athletic ability of a slug. She falls a lot, but Jake is always there to help her back up. She sticks her tongue out in determination as she tries again. It takes a few hours for her to grasp it and, when she finally does, her boyfriend and two best friends are whooping and hollering for her at the bottom. It was only the bunny slope, but she’s still proud of herself.

 

“I’m proud of you too,” Jake says, slinging his arm around her shoulder. “Come on, let’s go back to the hotel and have some hot chocolate.”

 

* * *

 

She sits next to Jake on the bus journey home and Rosa and Adam sit opposite them.

 

Everyone applauded her and Jake when they got on the bus together which was totally humiliating but Jake says they applaud every couple on this trip; it’s a thing. Lo and behold, Sarah and Ben get on the bus after them and everyone starts clapping again. Even Jake - who actually wolf whistles.

 

Jake rests his head on her shoulder to use her as a pillow and they fall asleep like that. It’s a lot better bus journey than the other one.

 

After they get back to school, Jake drives her home and they hang out with her brothers for a few hours. It’s good. It’s really, really good. And now it’s Christmas break. Amy can’t see how her life could get any better.

 

* * *

 

Unfortunately, the glow of the ski trip fades _fast_.

 

The Monday after they get home, Amy’s whole life flips upside down. She has a sex tape leaked.

 

Well, it’s not technically a sex tape, since they didn’t have sex, but someone on the ski trip filmed her making out with Jake in the hot tub. The shaky, blurred footage was clearly taken from some distance, so it’s hard to tell it’s them, but Amy can see her red coat lying next to the hot tub. And it looks like they’re having sex. Everyone will assume they’re having sex.

 

God, how could she be so stupid?!

 

 _I’m so sorry, Ames,_ Jake texts. He’s clearly seen the video too. Of course he has. Everyone in their school has seen the video. _I’ll get Instagram to take the video down_

 

**_It’s too late. People will have the video saved to their phone_ **

 

**_How did this even happen????? We were alone_ **

 

_Someone must have filmed us from their room. Bastard. I’ll find out who did this and kick their ass_

 

_Don’t worry, OK? I’ll fix it_

 

 **_OK_** , she types. She’s already worried though. This will ruin her reputation, maybe even her chance to get into a good college. That moment in the hot tub was supposed to be their moment, like the finale of a good romcom where the couple finally get together, and it’s been taken away from them. It feels dirty now. She feels dirty.

 

* * *

 

She decides to bake cupcakes because baking always calms her down. She switches off her phone, sick of receiving messages about her and Jake, and turns up the radio.

 

She’s just put the cupcakes into the oven when her dad gets home.

 

“We need to talk,” he says solemnly, leaning against the kitchen counter. He looks disappointed.

 

Her stomach sinks. He’s seen the video.

 

“It’s not what you think. We didn’t have sex. I was wearing a nightgown and Jake was in his swimming trunks. We were just kissing. And I thought we were alone.”

 

“It was very naive of you to put yourself in that situation where somebody could film you,” he responds and she knows this is the cop in him talking. “I’ve already got the video taken down, but I suspect some of your classmates will have versions on their phone. This matter isn’t just going to go away. I suggest we talk to your principal about it.”

 

“My _principal_?” Amy balks. She can’t bare the thought of discussing her non-sex tape sex tape in front of all these adults. She just wants to bury her head in the sand and wait for another high school scandal to make everyone forget about hers.

 

“Do you have any idea who filmed it?”

 

Oh she has an idea alright.

 

Jake’s psycho ex-girlfriend. She has a reputation for messing with girls who date Jake. Last year, when her and Jake were 'on a break', he started seeing another girl who Sophia was friends with. Sophia got majorly jealous and leaked this girl’s nudes. The girl broke up with Jake the next day and moved out of state a week later. There was a rumour that she even changed her name. It was bad.

 

Amy knows the hot tub video was Sophia’s doing. She got a message from an anonymous Instagram account earlier claiming Sophia sent them video. Amy just has to prove it.

 

* * *

 

She came over to Sophia’s house all the time in middle school - her mom used to joke that they should convert the garage into a bedroom for her because she basically lived there - and luckily she still remembers where it is. It’s only a short walk from her house, but it feels like hours. She’s so nervous.

 

She knocks on the door and Sophia answers - thank God. Amy was paranoid about her parents opening it and having to explain why she’s outside their house.

 

She can imagine it now.

 

_“Oh hi, Mrs Perez, yes, I have grown, no, I got my braces off a few years ago, no, we’re not friends again. I’m actually here because your daughter filmed me making out with her ex-boyfriend in a hot tub and posted it online, breaking child pornography laws. Yes, I’d love a cup of your herbal tea.”_

 

Shudder.

 

“What are you doing here, Santiago?” She asks, keeping her hand on the door as if she’s ready to slam it in Amy’s face at any second.

 

Amy gets straight to the point. “Did you post the hot tub video?”

 

Sophia rolls her eyes. “No, I did not. I don’t even care about Jake anymore. I’ve moved on. You should too.”

 

“I just want to know if it was you. And if it is, can you please delete the original?”

 

“It wasn’t me,” she snaps. “But maybe you should be more careful before making out with your boyfriend in a public place. Goodbye, Santiago.”

 

* * *

 

Amy is seething when she gets back home. It was her. It was so obvious it was her. Why else would she have made that last comment?

 

When she walks into the kitchen, Jake is there talking to her dad.

 

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Victor says, dragging her two youngest brothers out of the room with him. They kick up a fuss at having their game of _Fortnite_ interrupted, until their dad threatens to ground them.

 

“How come Amy has a sex tape leak and she doesn’t get grounded, but we get grounded for hanging out in our own living room? It’s not fair!”

 

“Out. Now,” Victor demands in his ‘angry dad’ voice. That gets them moving pretty quick.

 

Once they’re alone, Jake pulls Amy into a tight hug. The emotions that have been building up all day inside of her spill out uncontrollably, leaving a wet patch of tears on the shoulder of his plaid shirt. His hold on her tightens as he whispers “it’s gonna be OK” over and over.

 

“It’s not gonna be OK though,” she says tearfully. “I’m always going to be known as the hot tub girl. This is going to affect the rest of my high school life, my chances of getting into college, heck, maybe even my career. They’re always saying that employers look you up online now.”

 

“We can get the video removed-.”

 

“Sophia’s not going to delete it.”

 

He pauses, narrowing his eyes. “How’d you know it was Sophia?”

 

“I just know,” she responds.

 

“That’s not a good enough reason to accuse her of this,” he says.

 

“Are you _defending_ her? _Seriously_?”

 

“You don’t know it was her, that’s all I’m saying.”

 

“Of course it’s her!” Amy yells. She knows her family can probably hear her, but she doesn’t care. Her boyfriend doesn’t believe her and he’s defending his ex. It’s like a double whammy of awful-ness. “She hates me and she’s jealous of any girl that comes within a one mile radius of you! She has a record of doing this kind of thing and earlier she told me I should have been more careful and not made out with my boyfriend in public. That’s basically a confession!”

 

“It’s not though, is it?” He argues. “I asked her earlier if she did it and she said no. I trust her.”

 

Amy’s heart beating erratically in her chest, she asks if he trusts her too.

 

“Of course I-.”

 

Amy shakes her head. She can feel fresh tears forming behind her eyes. She was happy. She was beyond happy and now everything is falling apart. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Jake.”

 

“Do what anymore?”

 

“This. Us.” She pull the sleeves of her sweater over her hands. It’s like a comfort mechanism. It has been ever since she was a little kid. And, boy, does she need comforting right now, breaking up with her first kiss, her first crush, first boyfriend, first sex tape partner. She bites her lip, willing the tears to stay back just until he leaves. “I need to get some separation from you, from this video. Everytime I look at you, it reminds me of it and I just… I think it would be best for both of us if we broke up.”

 

His face crumples and it looks like he’s on the verge of tears too. “You don’t mean that. I really care about you. We can make this work. Someone will hook up with a teacher next week and we’ll be old news. I promise.”

 

“I’m sorry, Jake. It’s over. It has to be.”

 

* * *

 

The dam breaks the moment he shuts the door behind him. She sinks to her knees and just sobs, wishing she could go back to September when a few middle school love letters were all she had to worry about, when Jake was her fake boyfriend, when everything was good.

 

Her dad tries to talk to her but she runs up to her room and slams the door behind her. Her brothers know not to mess with her when she’s in a door-slamming mood.

 

She gets the blue hatbox from her closet and tips the contents onto her bed. Her and Jake’s contract falls out. Amy’s tears fall onto the page as she reads back their promises to each other.

 

  1. No kissing.
  2. Watch _Seventeen Candles/Fight Club._
  3. No snitching.
  4. Amy has to go to all Jake’s soccer games (and some of his practices).
  5. Jake has to drive Amy to school because she sucks at driving.



 

Jake had written that last bit and she promptly scribbled it out.

 

“I do not suck at driving,” she remembers saying. “I’m just nervous and need more practice.”

 

“I’ll help you practice,” he’d offered. And, to his credit, he did. She feels a lot more confident behind the wheel now than she did over summer.

 

Her eyes flick to the final item on the contract.

 

_Amy must join Jake on the annual ski trip._

 

She sobs harder at the reminder of the trip where everything went from bad, to perfect, to a nightmare.

 

They’d both signed the contract at the bottom because “no contract is legally binding without a signature, Peralta.”

 

Even his signature makes her mad.

 

He didn’t believe her.

 

He sided with his ex.

 

He trusts his ex more than her.

 

Although, she supposes, she’s his ex now too. She-who-must-not-be-named 2.0, like they’d joked. Jake’s mom definitely hates her as much as she hates Sophia now. Amy promised her she wouldn’t break his heart. And now they’re both heartbroken and alone and - God, she can’t bare to look at this contract anymore.

 

She tears it up until it’s unreadable. There are tiny scraps of white paper littering her bed and even they annoy her. She scoops them all up and dumps them in the trash, along with the rest of the contents of the blue hatbox: all the letters Jake wrote to her. She didn’t even read most of them, just dumped them in the box. It hurt too much knowing he didn’t really like her, that he was only trying to make Sophia jealous.

 

She puts in her earphones, turns on her playlist of sad songs and cries herself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When she comes down for breakfast at 2PM the next day, all her brothers watch her carefully, like she’s a precious piece of porcelain about to break. Or, more accurately, porcelain that’s already had a chunk broken off and that they don’t want to break any further.

 

She ignores them all as she makes her toast and coffee.

 

At the island, Carlos punches Mateo on the arm. “Tell her,” he hisses.

 

“Tell me what?” Amy demands, turning to face them. She rests one hand on her hip and glares at them.

 

“I… um… I’m really sorry, Ames… I never meant for you to get hurt like this…”

 

“What are you talking about, Mat?”

 

“I’m the one who sent your letters,” he admits, looking genuinely fearful for his life. “You shouted at me for leaving a mud stain on the carpet you’d just cleaned and I dunno, I was so mad at you so I went into your room, found them and posted them the next day.”

 

Amy launches herself at him and Luis has to physically restrain her. “I can’t believe you- Why would you do this to me? And why did it take so long for you to tell me?”

 

“You started dating Jake and you were so happy, I thought the love letter had worked and I didn’t want to upset you. But now you two are broken up and you cried all last night, I feel guilty.”

 

Amy looks furious. “You should feel guilty. You humiliated me. You ruined my friendship with Luke. I can’t even look at you right now. I’m eating this in my room.”

 

She storms out of the kitchen, leaving seven confused brothers in her wake.

 

“Should we go after her?” Mateo asks, concerned.

 

“Let’s just let her calm down first,” Tomas advices sagely.

 

It takes a few days and a lot of ‘I’m sorry’ cupcakes for her to forgive Mateo for leaking her love letters, but she gets over it. She wouldn’t have got to be with Jake at all if it weren’t for the letter.

 

* * *

 

Slowly, everything in her life improves. She stops crying over Jake, she stops getting texts about the hot tub incident and they have a really good family Christmas.

 

By the time she goes back to school, she thinks everyone will have forgotten the video entirely. Jake was right - another scandal knocked them off the top gossip spot. A senior got arrested for trying to steal from a bodega.

 

She walks into school with Rosa on one side and Adam on the other. She might not have Jake anymore, but she has her two best friends who she’d trust with her life. Amy’s wearing a new sweater she got for Christmas, she’s got her hair in a crown braid (Rosa is surprisingly good at braiding hair) and she’s ready to kick this year’s butt.

 

“I’m just going to stop by my locker-.” Her voice breaks and she goes dizzy. Stuck onto her locky are about 50 stills of the hot tub video. Rosa immediately tears them down, but a crowd has already formed. People have already taken pictures.

 

She thought this was over. She thought people had forgotten.

 

“Listen up,” a familiar voice yells and she thinks she really is going to faint now. Jake is breaking up the crowd. He’s sticking up for her. “If any of you assholes post one more picture of that video, or put pictures on Santiago’s locker, or say one more word about it, I will kick all of your asses. Nothing happened that night, OK? It was a sweet, romantic moment and you’ve all ruined it. You better leave her alone.”

 

His eyes soften as he looks at her.

 

She mouths “thank you” and walks off to class.

 

* * *

 

“Thank you for coming over,” she says, passing Luke a mug of coffee. They’re just sitting on her sofa and it feels so normal - more normal than anything that’s happened since September - and it’s kind of wonderful. She’s missed hanging out with him like this.

 

“No worries,” he shrugs, sipping the coffee. Amy giggles as he burns his tongue; he always drinks it when it’s too hot, but he never learns.

 

“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

 

He narrows his eyes. “An explanation about what?”

 

“Everything,” she sighs, pulling her sleeves over her hands. “You were the first boy I ever liked. All the other letters I wrote - Jake’s, Teddy’s, Adam’s, Henry’s - they were all fantasies. Your letter was based off actually knowing you. But then you became Luis’ friend too and I couldn’t date my brother’s best friend. Over time that feeling faded away and I just missed my best friend. It wasn’t love.”

 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” He murmurs. “I feel like I would’ve understood.”

 

“I couldn’t,” she says honestly. “I had no idea I felt that way. Or didn’t feel that way. Until…”

 

“Jake,” they say at the same time.

 

“It was real in a different way. And I’m really sorry.”

 

“You have no reason to be sorry. I’m just glad you told me so things can get back to normal between us. Maybe you should tell Jake how you feel too.”

 

“I-I can’t,” she stutters.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because if it wasn’t real then I didn’t lose anyone. But if I say that it was real and he still doesn’t want me-.”

 

“At least you’ll know,” Luke whispers. “Ames, you’ve got to tell people how you feel when you feel it. You can’t just sit up in your room writing love letters that you’re never gonna send out. I mean, Jake wouldn’t even be in your life if they hadn’t gotten out in the first place.”

 

“Yeah,” she agrees, drinking her own coffee. “You definitely have a point. I don’t know, I’m just so tired of writing love letters anyway. It would be nice to be the one receiving them instead.”

 

“Amy?”

 

She turns around and Mateo is stood there with her blue hatbox in his hands. She opens the box and gasps. Inside are all the notes Jake wrote her. She glances up at Mateo. “How did you…”

 

“You were going to throw them all away and I really liked Jake. I thought they should be saved,” he explains. “Read them.”

 

Nervously, Amy unfolds the first note.

 

 _Everyone was so impressed by your presentation in lit, Santiago. But especially me. I love having a smarty-pants fake girlfriend_.

 

Some of them are more serious.

 

_I loved hearing you talk about your mom today and I really appreciated you listening to me rant about my slutty pilot dad. It’s so cool that we can talk about real stuff._

 

A lot of them are him asking her on dates or if she’s coming to watch his soccer game on Friday night. There are some about her appearance.

 

_You looked so pretty today._

 

_How do you make your hair so shiny and smell so good?_

 

_My hoodie looks so good on you._

 

“You still think you haven’t gotten a love letter?” Luke asks when she pulls the last one out the box.

 

Amy smiles softly, tucking her hair behind both ears. She suddenly remembers something Jake said to her in Shaw’s Diner, right near the start of their fake relationship. He asked her how she will ever get a happy ending if she never puts herself out there. She thought about those words a lot that night and she mulls them over in her head now.

 

* * *

 

She knows what she needs to do.

 

* * *

 

It’s ironic that the place she goes to ask him to be her boyfriend _for realz_ is the same place this whole fake relationship mess started. The soccer field.  

 

Unlike that day, he’s the only one still out on the field.

 

“Hey,” he says.

 

“Hi. I have to tell you something.”

 

He walks the length of the penalty box, closing the distance between them. “OK,” he responds once he’s in front of her.

 

“I drove here,” she announces. “I’ve been getting a lot better at it. I haven’t ran anybody over yet. Thank you for helping me.”

 

“It’s, uh, no problem.” He bites his lip. “Is that all you came to tell me? That you haven’t killed anybody yet?”

 

“No. Of course not, that would be crazy.” She laughs nervously, holding up the letter she wrote him. “This is for you.”

 

He stares at it for a few seconds and for once, she has no idea what he’s thinking. Eventually he asks her to read it to him.

 

She clears her throat. “I need you to know that I like you, Jake Peralta. And not in a fake way.”

 

“I have something to say as well.”

 

“You do?” She squeaks.

 

“Yes. I’m in love with you and only you, Amy Santiago,” he says, confident, assured. She knows he means it.

 

The biggest smile spreads across her face. Jake Peralta is in love with her! Jake Peralta is in love with her! _Jake Peralta is in love with her!_

 

She crashes back down to Earth with a sudden realisation. “I don’t know what you put in a contract for a real relationship.”

 

He laughs and the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkles in the most adorable way. “Nothing. There is no contract, dummy.”

 

“Oh,” she says, relieved. Her eyes flick to his lips, then back to his eyes. If years of reading romance novels has taught her anything, it’s the moment when the guy and the girl are supposed to kiss.

 

“You gonna break my heart, Santiago?” He asks.

 

“Not a chance, Peralta,” she responds and then they’re kissing and it’s perfect. It’s everything she ever imagined.

 

This is it. This is their happy ending. Except it’s only just the beginning.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you've reached the end of this ridiculously long fic - CONGRATS! You deserve a medal. If you'd be so kind as to leave a quick comment, I'd really, really appreciate it.


End file.
